Break A Leg

I have been on a journey of self-discovery. I have a list of questions that I am currently working on the answers to. As I climb the mountain to meet my authentic self, I hope that soon I will have all the answers.

Once I had a full understanding of the matrix, creation, universal laws, harmonics, and even common world religions, I realized that this part of my journey was over. We never stop learning, and naturally, I am always thirsty for knowledge. I continue to align with the Hinduism faith. I’m still a weird mother of boys. I’m a wife, sister, a friend… but when you strip all of those titles away, who am I?

Sit with the idea of being able to co-create your dream life with God. For someone that has lived primarily in survival mode their entire life, that idea can be quite frightening. How do I know what the child version of me enjoyed while she spent her childhood in grief? This is the inner work of connecting with your past. By now you should have completed the majority of your shadow work of healing your inner child. Now is the time to discover her, who she is, and what she loves, after unearthing her from years of turmoil.

Even if your inner child is timid to show herself, think back to one single moment of happiness. What was it that brought you so much joy?

For me, it was my connection with nature. I missed it. My soul yearned for it. It had been such a long time since I felt the peace of the quiet of nature, but there was a slight problem. Now, I’m a mom. I’m the primary caregiver of two wild boys on the spectrum that have no fear of danger. We spend time together as a family in nature whenever we can, but being on high alert for my kids doesn’t create a blissful breeze in the forest.

Eventually, I opened up about needing more time in nature, and since it was the weekend, we thought to take a trip to the park. Sparing you the agonizing details, I fell and broke my leg. So much for reconnecting with nature, am I right?

In an instant, our entire world flipped upside down. My husband works full-time, and since I am responsible for our family, things just got a lot more difficult. Learning how to navigate life on crutches has not been easy. My husband has taken on more chores, including driving me around because I am unable to drive for the next two months. My oldest son will be riding the school bus for the first time because I have always driven him. Even my youngest is picking up the slack by cleaning up extra toys thrown around the house. We are adjusting.

There’s something humbling about being forced to surrender. Not by choice, but by circumstance. The ego resists, but the soul leans in. Maybe that’s what faith is? Trusting that even when our plans fall apart, the path is still unfolding exactly as it should.

Initially, I was very emotional over all of the changes. Our family thrives on consistency and scheduling, and now everything felt chaotic. As I’m writing this, it’s been exactly one week since the incident, and I finally can feel a little sunshine.

This morning I decided I wanted to go out for coffee. A simple task turned into a two-hour fiasco of frustration. As my husband and I sat angrily in silence, he continued to drive past our home and down through the countryside. With all the windows down and a cool seventy-degree wind in our hair, our son opened our hearts with a game of I-Spy. Soon we were spying for cows, sheep, the different colors of leaves on trees, and homes we wish we could afford; imagining our dream life.

The car ride was full of wonder and creativity seeing the world as our son does, and finding joy in whatever comes our way. Maybe that is what we’re supposed to do. Not only finding the good within the bad, but the experience in between. The experiences are what make us who we are.

The Law of Rhythm teaches us that life ebbs and flows, and even this season of limitation is part of a greater swing toward expansion. Maybe I can still find joy in nature, but perhaps it looks a little different now and that’s okay.

As I watched my son’s long hair dance in the wind, I imagined little me in the backseat too, laughing without fear. I realized I never needed to find her. She is still here. She just needed an invitation.

So, I’ll keep inviting her back into the everyday magic. I’ll keep choosing wonder even when things feel heavy. And will remind myself:

To continue to find magic in the mundane.

To release the need for control and trust that joy will meet me where I am…

Even if I’m on crutches.

Take life one step at a time.